Suicide
by xxKerlixxHotelxx
Summary: Bill Kualitz, contains death, rugs ect.
1. Chapter 1

**The Building and Blood**

I was on the edge of the building looking down, I was sitting, I let the blood drip down my arms and wrists until it fell beneath me, it fell 150 stories below me, I wasn't scared, I saw the TV helicopter, it was flying above me, then Bill busted through the door, I didn't have to turn around to see if it was him, because I new it was him, I could hear him breath, as crazy as that sounds I could, I could feel every tear fall down and off of his cheeks, he asked me, "Why are you doing this?", in a very soft voice, I stood up and turned to face him, we looked each other in the eyes, I only saw him for a short moment, but there was Tom, Georg, and Gustav, there too there's one thing I knew for sure, is that what I was about to do was gonna hurt Bill more than ever, I knew he would never forget, so why was I gonna do this? I knew why, but I still asked why anyway, tears fell down my face, "Listen to me Bill", I said in a very soft, quiet, motionless voice, "I'll always keep you with me I'll never let you go", "What are you saying?", he said, "You know what I'm saying", "Please don't", he said in a whisper, he was crying more now, "I love you", (Bill's P.O.V) I busted through the door, Anna was sitting on the edge hotel, I saw the blood on the concrete , my heart sank, she stood up and turned around to face me, I saw her arms and wrists, they were all cut up and bloody, I was scared, she turned around, we looked each other in the eyes, I saw pain, I asked her, why she was doing this, she didn't give me an answer, then she told me that I would always be with her, I knew what she meant, but I asked why anyways, she told me I knew, I did, I didn't want it be true, all I could do was say, "Please, don't, don't jump", then she said, I love you, then she fell backwards, when she said I love you I ran towards her, but I was too late, my heart dropped, I couldn't think of a single thought, my mind was blank, then without thinking I turned and ran down the stairs as fast as I could, my heart was raising, I saw the caution tape, I saw everyone crowded in a circle, I ran through the crowd, I saw Anna on the ground, there was a lot of blood, I ran towards her, then out of no where 2 cops blocked me, "I'm sorry you can't cross the line", I was trying to push past them, "MOVE", "No I'm sorry but-", I was crying franticly, "She's my girlfriend', I ran passed them and through the caution tape, I bent down beside her I picked her head up and laid it in my lap, I held her, I was crying hysterically, I couldn't even breath I was crying so hard, "No, Anna, why baby why?", I just kept saying that over and over, I just pushed her hair back, I stared at her, I looked up at the sky, tears were pouring down my face, "NO", I screamed, "Why, why?", I whispered, I looked up at the people, they all stared at me, I was still crying but harder, I just held her, then Tom came over, he put his hand on my shoulder, he tried to pull me away, he was crying hard to, "Bill, come on, she's gone", he kept saying that, but as he tried to pull me away I screamed "NO SHE'S NOT GONE, SHE'S NOT", I stared at Tom, "Yes she is", then he hugged me, we were both crying so hard, I looked up and saw Georg and Gustav, they were crying too, I couldn't move, "Bill we need to go inside, you don't need to see this right now", I was still crying real hard, "Okay", I said between cries, we made it upstairs, I went in to my room,, I shut the door, I just started crying like I was before, were I couldn't breath, Then I just went crazy, I pushed everything that was on the dresser on to the floor, and a million things were running through my mind, then Tom busted into the room, "Bill, calm down", Tom said, he was still crying, "I can't believe she's gone", I just slid down the wall in to a corner next to the night stand, Tom bent down, "I know", he said in a whisper, I just sat there crying my eyes out," She can't be gone", I was sitting in the corner, I was leaned up against the night stand, my arms were around my knees, my hands were locked together, I just sat there tears running down my face, I couldn't believe it, Tom was still here, I just didn't want to see or talk to anyone, I finally just said, "Tom go away", I looked at him, then he said "What?", then I just yelled, "TOM GO AWAY", Tears were still running down my face, then he just walked out of the room and shut the door behind him. (Toms P.O.V) We all ran up the stairs and through the door, she was standing up, my heart was beating so fast, then it wasn't even a split second later that she fell back and Bill was looking down, my heart dropped, then Bill turned around and ran for the stairs, we took the elevator, me and Georg looked at each other, we didn't know what to think, then the doors opened, we ran out the side door of the hotel, I saw Bill, he was on the ground, Anna's head was in his lap, he was holding her, then he just screamed, he was crying hysterically, tears started to run down my face, I went over to him, I put my hand on his shoulder, "Bill come on", I said, I was crying harder now, he said no, I saw blood everywhere, it was all over Bill too, I looked up, everyone was starring at us, some were even crying, then I finally pulled him away, it was hard, he wouldn't move, until finally I got him up, he reached for Anna, he tried to push my arms from around his waste, he was trying like hell to push me away, then I finally just got him in to a hug, then he just wrapped his arms around me as tight as he could, we were both crying, he was crying so hard I don't even think he could breath, I stared at Anna on the ground, I couldn't look at her, it was too hard, so I looked away, I couldn't believe my eyes, I thought I was asleep, god knows I wanted to be, to bad I wasn't, I kept telling myself to wake up, but I never did, that's when I couldn't breath either because I was crying so hard, then I told Bill we needed to go inside, that he didn't need to see this, but it was really me that didn't need to see it, but I knew if we stayed Bill would only get worse just looking at her, we made it to the room, Bill went in his, and I started to sit down but I heard a crash in Bills room, I ran in to his room he was goin crazy, everything that was on the dresser was on the floor, I told him to calm down, then he slid down the wall beside the night stand, he just was crying hysterically, he wrapped his arms around his knees, I stared at him, he just kept saying 'she cant be gone', I just said, "I know", I was crying too, I just stared at him, "Tom just go", he said very softly, "What?", I said kinda confused, then he screamed at me, "TOM JUST GO AWAY", I took a deep breath and got up and walked out of the room, I shut the door softly, I wasn't mad at him for telling me to go away, I mean his girlfriend just committed suicide, so in a way I could understand, kind of, I can't believe she's gone though, she use to be the most happiest person before all of that shit happened to her, before the rapes and everything, yeah I knew she was a druggie too, we tried to stop her so many times, but it never worked, the same went with her cutting problem it never stopped, we all wanted it to, but it didn't, I loved her like a sister, poor Bill, he's gonna hurt for a long time now, there's no way that he can go on with the tour and neither can anyone else, I need to talk to the guys and David, "Guys", they looked up, they were crying a little still, and still couldn't believe what just happened, they were sitting down on the couch, "Yeah", "We need to talk", "About what?", Georg asked, "The tour, Bill cant finish, and I don't think you guys can either, I know I cant and I know Bill cant, so I think we need to cancel it, for Bills sake", then David(our producer), came in quietly, "Hey guys, are you all okay?", we all stared at him, I think our looks answered his question, "All right, that was a stupid question, so how is Bill right now?", I looked at the floor then at him, "Well he's not doin to good, his heart is broken, and I think it will be that way for a really long time, or forever, if he ever does get better", "Yeah, you guys need to go home as soon as you can", "Yeah, that's what I was thinking about, it's not so much that we want to go home, I mean we do, but right now we just need to go home, for Bill, he'll never be the same", everyone looked at me then at the floor, "Well I can get you guys a flight back home tomorrow and you will be out of here as soon as possible", "That would be great, I know Bill cant stay here for another minute, that's just torture", "Yeah well I'll go make that call right now", "Ok, thanks", I said, and he walked out of the room, "Well I have to go tell Bill that we're goin home as soon as we can", I looked at Georg he was staring at the ground, then he said, "Did you see her face? She was just laying there", I looked at him, "We know, we saw her, I think you guys need some time alone, I'm gonna go and try to talk to Bill", I said, "Alright", they said, I stood up and I walked toward Bills room I put my ear to the door, I listened, all I heard was his cries and sobs, I wanted him to stop so that I wouldn't cry, before I walked in I took a deep breath and turned the knob slowly, and walked in he was still in the same spot and position, tears still running down his face and makeup too, "Bill?", I said softly, he looked up slowly, and wiped the tears from his eyes, he looked at me, "What do you want Tom?", he said very blankly with no emotion at all, "Umm, I wanted to tell you that we're goin home tomorrow", he looked at me, "And how are we suppose to get there?", "David said that he would call and get all of us the earliest flight home, in fact he's calling them right now", "Oh, and what about the tour, Huh, what s gonna happen now?", he stared at me, "Well, we decided that we are just going to cancel it and that that would be best for everyone", his expression changed, "What? You decided without me? I thought we made decisions together? I thought you were my brother? I guess I thought wrong", I stared at him, "Yeah we do make all of the decisions together, and I am your brother, that's the most important thing to me in the world, Bill I could never forget that, but we had to make this decision for everyone", then Bill stood up, "You could have asked me if I wanted to cancel too, and if I wanted to continue and-", I cut him off, "And what Bill? You cant honestly tell me that you can go on with the tour, and when I meant everyone, I meant you", he was quiet for a minute, " Your right, I cant go on with it, I couldn't want to even if I tried to", his eyes started to water and tears started to fall down his cheeks, "I'm sorry I'm acting this way, I just cant face the truth, I didn't realize this could be so hard loosing someone", he just cried, then I went up to him and hugged him, he needed one, but he needed a lot more too, "I know, we all feel this way but we know that you feel way different than we do, we need to go home, you need to go home, ok", "Okay", he said while his face was buried in my shirt, "Everything will be okay", I said that but I didn't know if it was true, but I'd say anything to Bill just to keep me from seeing him like this, I didn't like it, I just don't want him to do something stupid, "Well I'm gonna go to bed, or do you want me to stay up with you?", he looked at me and shook his head, "No, you go get your sleep, I'll try to get some too", "Okay, well goodnight then", "Okay, night", and I walked out of the rom.


	2. Chapter 2

.(Bills P.O.V), I'm still in a corner by the night stand in the same position that I was in before, I'm just staring at the door, then I heard someone turning the handle on the it, it was Tom, I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up at him, he said my name softly, I asked what did he want, he said that we were goin home as soon as possible, I was confused, I was furious, he told me that they had decided to cancel the tour, I was mad because they decided without me, we always said to each other that we would make our decisions together, we made a promise, but that's not what really made me mad, then Tom said that everyone meant me and asked if I could go on with the tour, I really couldn't, I don't know why I said what I said and then I started to cry again, I finally told Tom what was really eating away at me, it was that I couldn't face the truth of that she was dead, but I want except it, I don't think I ever will, then Tom just hugged me tight, I liked that because I'm feeling pretty lonely right about now, and I feel like a ghost, I needed Tom more than ever right now, but I did want to be alone, so I could think more, Tom asked me if I wanted him to stay up with me, I said no and that he needed his sleep, and I said I would try to get some, and then he walked out of the room and shut the door softly, then I saw her bags on the other side of the bed, I looked down and then back at all of her stuff I walked over and I opened one of her bags, I picked it up and sat it on the ground, it smelled like her, that just made me cry again, I took everything out of her bag and set it beside me, I finally got to the bottom and I turned my head and looked down and then back at the bag , I saw a journal, I picked it up and opened it, the first thing I saw written in big bold letters was 'FUCK THE WORLD', I had to touch it because it was reddish burgundy looking, when I did, I knew it was blood, tears started running down my face again, the first page read,' God I can't live like this anymore, there's so much that Bill doesn't know, I don't think he ever will, too bad he doesn't know what goes on behind closed doors and I do have a lot of those, Bill always says that he wouldn't want anyone else, what does that mean? I sure as hell don't, Yeah he knows I smoke, but doesn't know I cut, I hope, he never will, god he doesn't know what I've done, oh well, he will probably figure it out soon, I just hope not too soon.' I couldn't believe what I was reading, it was so hard to read, but I just kept on reading anyway, 'Today I went to Connors to get a deal, I got everything you could possibly think of, heroine, meth, weed, LSD, Acid, Oxi cotton, ecstasy, cocaine, and a pipe, the first time I did coke it was kike stars and rainbows, the same with meth except you could stay awake for days, but it's been hard to keep it away from Bill, I've had to hide it, it's no wonder he hasn't found it yet, the same with the razors, there everywhere.' I had to stop reading for a second because I couldn't believe it, I was so blind, I mean I knew she did all of it I just didn't know for this long, I was crying again, I turned the page and read some more, ' Today, I will never forget, because it was the worst day ever, Bill found out about me cutting and he also found my stash, it just kinda happened, he looked at my wrists and told me to show it to him, and that's how he found out about that, and he found the drugs in my purse, and now he checks everywhere for razors and anything else, I woke up screaming last night, Bill held me, I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't, I heard Bill cry himself to sleep, he doesn't know that I know that, I'm so sorry that I'm hurting Bill, god but I don't know how to feel good anymore and that's the only way I know how to feel better, I can't take this life much longer, I wish it would just end, it's killing me.' I stopped reading, I was crying so hard I couldn't even breathe, I got up and put the journal on the night stand and sat on the floor beside the bed, I crossed my legs, I just sat there thinking, I looked at the clock, it was 1:00 A.M., I got up and went in to the bathroom, I went to the sink, I looked at myself in the mirror, mascara and eyeliner had ran down my face from crying so much, I took a deep breath, I got a rag and wiped as much as I could off my face, I cut on the shower, I shut and locked the door, I got undressed and stepped in to the shower, I stood under the warm water, showers had so many memories for me because it simply had to do with Anna, because in every hotel we kinda 'did it' in every single one that was near us, now every shower I step in to will have memories and make me think about her, I laughed a little because of what I thought, she would want me to me to laugh not cry, but I can't help it, none of us can, I thought about that, then I washed my hair, but I tried not to think about her, but she wouldn't stay out of my mind, the image of her standing on that edge and falling, wouldn't leave neither would the image of her dead body on the concrete, the whole night replayed over and over in my head, I tried to shake it out but I couldn't, she was gone and I couldn't do a damn thing about it no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't face the fact that she was gone, dead, never coming back, but I knew I had to find the strength to let her go some how but I didn't find it then, I finally just stopped thinking, I got out of the shower and I got dressed, then I got a towel and dried my hair and then I brushed it, then I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, I sat on the bed, I stared at the floor then at the night stand, I saw a razor, I picked it up and stared at it, I was thinking about if I should cut myself or not, I thought about how many times Anna did it and how she described how it made her feel and how it did feel, would it hurt? I didn't wanna know, but then again I did, so I took the razor and put it next to my wrist, I hesitated, then I threw it across the room until it hit the wall, I knew that wasn't the answer, and I knew that she wouldn't want me to do this, I let the thought go and folded the covers back and laid down and curled up into a ball under the covers, I stared at the clock, It was 3:00 A.M. then I turned over and I fell asleep, I had a weird scary dream, I was in the wood's running, because I saw Anna on the edge of a cliff and there was a white light shinning that made her look like a ghost, all you could see was her shadow, she looked the same when she was standing on the edge of that building except she was wearing white dress, it was really long she looked like an angel because she looked like she had wings, but there were blood stains on her sleeves and across her back, it looked like she had been stabbed, because her back was drenched in blood, I could see her hands, they were covered in blood too, but as I kept running I never got any closer to her, it seemed I was getting farther away, and I tried to scream Anna don't, but nothing came out of my mouth, I couldn't speak and it didn't seem running was any good either, then I stopped and then I was behind Anna, I tried to call her name again but it didn't work, then she turned around and it was a horrible image, the whole front of her chest was soaked in blood and I could see the cuts from were she had been stabbed and her face was also covered in blood, but the only thing bad about the whole thing was that I could see her heart and it had razors in it and cuts and my name, but it was cut in there though, that's the only part I couldn't figure out, and that scared me the most and then she fell back off the cliff, I tried to scream "NO DON'T", but it didn't work, then I went to the edge and looked down, it was just a big deep black hole, then I felt something, someone push me, then I screamed no, now my voice works, then I saw a pool of blood with razors in it and then…I woke up instantly, I was screaming, "NO", tears were running down my face, I was crying franticly out of control, I was also hyperventilating, I was clutching Anna's teddy bear that she had had to my chest so tight, it felt like something was stabbing me in the chest, then Tom busted through the door, "WHAT?", he said, he came and sat down on the bed beside me, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I put the teddy bear beside me and put my hands on my chest, "What's wrong? Bill I don't understand", he was frantic trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and then I finally got out, "I—can't-breathe", and then air just flooded my lungs like I wanted to, I took a deep deep breathe, and then I said, "I had a bad dream", I was crying still, "Oh, it was about Anna, wasn't it?", I looked at him and shook my head up and down, "Yeah", "You wanna talk about it?", "I guess", I said, so I told Tom about my dream and then he said it would be okay and we would be leavening in the morning and I wouldn't have to look at these walls any longer, and then he left the room, yeah, I was tired of looking at these walls and tired of being here. I let the thoughts go and turned onto my side and I stared at my night light, funny, this was the first time In two years that I've had to sleep with one, it looked like burning fire, then I just closed my eyes, but every time I did I saw that horrible image of Anna, so I just stayed awake and I studied the entire room, every inch, every little detail, even though I was very tired I didn't close my eyes for anything in the world, then I saw her journal on the night stand, I went over and picked it up, I read were I left off,


End file.
